Scene 3 - The Gentleman

	Merry Report
	Now sirs, take heed, for here cometh god's servant.
	Avaunt, carterly caitiffs, avaunt!
	Why, ye drunken whoresons, will it not be?
	By your faith, have ye neither cap nor knee?
190	Not one of you that will make curtsy
	To me that am squire for god’s precious body!
	Regard ye nothing mine authority?
	No ‘welcome home’, nor ‘where have ye been?’?
	How be it, if ye axed, I could not well tell,
195	But sure I think a thousand mile from Hell.
	And on my faith, I think, in my conscience,
	I have been from Heaven as far as Heaven is hence,
	At Louyn, at London and in Lombardy,
	At Baldock, at Barfolde, and in Barbury,
200	At Canterbury, at Coventry, at Colchester,
	At Wansworth and Welbeck, at Westchester,
	At Fulham, at Faleborne, and at Fenlow,
	At Wallingford, at Wakefield, and at Waltamstow,
	At Taunton, at Tiptree, and at Totnam,
205	At Gloucester, at Guilford, and at Gotham,
	At Hertford, at Harwich, at Harrow on the Hill,
	At Sudbury, Southampton, at Shooters Hill,
	At Walsingham, at Witham, and at Warwick,
	At Boston, at Brystow, and at Berwick,
210	At Gravelyn, at Gravesend, and at Glastonbury,
	Ynge Gyngiang Jayberd, the paryshe of Butsbery.
	The Devil himself without more leisure
	Could not have gone half thus much I am sure.
	But now I have warned them, let them even choose,
215	For in faith I care not who win or lose.

	Here the Gentleman, before he comes in, blows his horn.

	Merry Report
	Now by my troth, this was a goodly hearing!
	I went it had been the gentlewomen’s blowing,
	But it is not so as I now suppose,
	For women’s horns sound more in a man's nose.

	Gentleman
220	Stand ye merry, my friends, everyone!

	Merry Report
	Say that to me and let the rest alone.
	Sir, ye be welcome, and all your menny.

	Gentleman
	Now in good sooth, my friend, God a mercy!
	And, since that I meet thee here thus by chance,
225	I shall require thee of further acquaintance.
	And briefly to show thee this is the matter:
	I come to sew to the great god Jupiter
	For help of things concerning my recreation,
	According to his late proclamation.

	Merry Report
230	Mary, and I am he that this must speed.
	But first tell me, what be ye indeed?

	Gentleman
	Forsooth, good friend, I am a gentleman.

	Merry Report
	A goodly occupation, by Saint Anne!
	On my faith, your mastership hath a merry life.
235	But who maketh all these horns, your self or your wife?
	Nay, even in earnest I ask you this question.

	Gentleman
	Now, by my troth, thou art a merry one!

	Merry Report
	In faith, of us both I think never one sad,
	For I am not so merry but ye seem as mad.
240	But stand ye still and take a little pain,
	I will come to you by and by again.
	[To Jupiter] Now, gracious god, if your will so be.
	I pray ye let me speak a word with ye.

	Jupiter
	My son, say on; let us hear thy mind.

	Merry Report
245	My lord, there standeth a suitor even here behind,
	A gentleman in yonder corner,
	And, as I think, his name is Master Horner.
	A hunter he is, and cometh to make you sport,
	He would hunt a sow or twain out of this sort!

	Here he points to the women.

	Jupiter
250	What so ever his mind be, let him appear.

	Merry Report
	Now, good master Horner, I pray you come near.

	Gentleman
	I am no horner, knave, I will thou know it.

	Merry Report
	I thought ye had, for when ye did blow it,
	Heard I never whoreson make horn so go.
255	As lief ye kissed mine arse as blow my hole so.
	Come on your way before the god Jupiter,
	And there for your self ye shall be suitor.

	Gentleman
	Most mighty prince and god of every nation,
	Pleaseth your highness to vouchsafe the hearing
260	Of me, which, according to [y]our proclamation,
	Doth make appearance in way of beseeching;

	Not sole for my self, but generally
	For all come of noble and ancient stock;
	Which sort above all doth most thankfully
265	Daily take pain for wealth of the common flock,

	With diligent study always devising
	To keep them in order and unity,
	In peace to labour the increase of their living
	Whereby each man may prosper in plenty.

270	Wherefore, good god, this is our whole desiring:
	That for ease of our pains at times vacant
	In our recreation; which chiefly is hunting,
	It may please you to send us weather pleasant:

	Dry and not misty, the wind calm and still,
275	That after our hounds’ yourning so merrily
	Chasing the deer over dale and hill
	In hearing we may follow and comfort the cry.

	Jupiter
	Right well we do perceive your whole request,
	Which shall not fail to rest in memory.
280	Wherefore we will ye set your self at rest
	Till we have heard each man indifferently,
	And we shall take such order universally
	As best may stand to our honour infinite
	For wealth in common and each man’s singular profit.

	Gentleman
285	In Heaven and Earth honoured be the name
	Of Jupiter, whom of his godly goodness
	Hath set this mater in so goodly frame
	That every wight shall have his desire, doubtless.

	And first for us nobles and gentlemen,
290	I doubt not, in his wisdom to provide
	Such weather as in our hunting, now and then,
	We may both teyse and receive on every side.

	Which thing, once had, for our said recreation,
	Shall greatly prevail you in preferring our health,
295	For what thing more needful then our preservation,
	Being the weal and heads of all common wealth?

	Merry Report
	Now I beseech your mastership, whose head be you?

	Gentleman
	Whose head am I? Thy head! What sayest thou now?

	Merry Report
	Nay, I think it very true, so God me help,
300	For I have ever been, of a little whelp,
	So full of fancies and in so many fits,
	So many small reasons and in so many wits,
	That, even as I stand, I pray God I be dead,
	If ever I thought them all mete for one head.
305	But, since I have one head more then I knew,
	Blame not my rejoicing; I love all things new.
	And sure it is a treasure of heads to have store!
	One feat can I now that I never could before.

	Gentleman
	What is that?

	Merry Report
	By god, since ye came hither
310	I can set my head and my tail together.
	This head shall save money, by saint Mary,
	From henceforth I will no apothecary,
	For at all times when such things shall myster,
	My new head shall give mine old tail a glyster.
315	And, after all this, then shall my head wait
	Upon my tail and there stand at receipt.
	Sir, for the rest I will not now move you,
	But if we live ye shall smell how I love yow.
	And, sir, touching your suit here: depart when it please you,
320	For be ye sure, as I can, I will ease you.

	Gentleman
	Then give me thy hand, that promise I take.
	And if for my sake any suit thou do make,
	I promise thy pain to be requited
	More largely then now shall be recited. [Exit.]

	Merry Report
325	Alas, my neck! God’s pity, where is my head?
	By Saint Ive, I fear me I shall be dead!
	And if I were, me think it were no wonder,
	Since my head and my body is so far asunder!

The first mortal to come to the court of Jupiter is The Gentleman, who seeks ideal weather for his hunting. Granted access to the god, he argues that this provision will benefit society at large because his well-being at the top of the commonwealth will trickle down to the lower orders. Jupiter says that he will keep The Gentleman's suit in mind until he is ready to deliver his judgement. The Gentleman is left with Merry Report, who secures a tip to promote the aristocrat's petition when the time comes, and then subjects him to a string of bawdy insults which eventually drive him from the stage.

Key Research Topic

The Great Hall at Hampton Court Palace
	A description of the architecture, features and historical function of the Great Hall at Hampton Court Palace.

Historical Context

Sir Thomas Elyot on the Education of Aristocratic Children from The Book Named The Governor (1531)
	A detailed discussion on how to be a good nobleman and ruler from an explicitly humanist perspective.

Resources

View film stills from Scene 3

View photos of David Weston as The Gentleman

Scene 3 - The Gentleman

Key Research Topic

The Great Hall at Hampton Court Palace

Historical Context

Sir Thomas Elyot on the Education of Aristocratic Children from The Book Named The Governor (1531)

Resources