Resources > The Play of the Weather Script

A new and very mery enterlude of all maner wethers
made by John Heywood

Jupiter, a god, Mery Reporte, the Vice, The Gentleman, The Marchant, The Ranger (a forest warden / gamekeeper)

The Water Miller, The Wind Miller, The Gentlewoman, The Launder (a washer woman) The Boy, the lest that can play.

	Jupiter
	Right far too long as now were to recite
	The ancient estate wherein our self hath reigned,
	What honour, what laud given us of very right,
	What glory we have had duly unfeigned
5	Of each creature which duty hath constrained,
	For above all gods, since our fathers fall
	We Jupiter were ever principal.
	If we so have been (as truth it is in deed)
	Beyond the compass of all comparison,
10	Who could presume to show for any mede
	So that it might appear to human reason
	The high renown we stand in at this season?
	For since that Heaven and Earth were first create
	Stood we never in such triumphant estate
15	As we now do, whereof we will report
	Such part as we see mete for time present
	Chiefly concerning your perpetual comfort
	As the thing self shall prove in experiment
	Which highly shall bind you on knees lowly bent
20	Solely to honour our highness day by day.
	And now to the matter give ear and we shall say.
	Before our presence in our high parliament,
	Both gods and goddesses of all degrees
	Hath late assembled by common assent
25	For the redress of certain enormities
	Bred among them through extremities
	Abused in each to other of them all,
	Namely to purpose in these most special:
	Our foresaid father Saturn, and Phoebus,
30	Aeolus and Phoebe, these four by name,
	Whose natures not only so far contrarious,
	But also of malice each other to defame,
	Have long time abused right far out of frame
	The due course of all their constellations,
35	To the great damage of all Earthly nations,
	Which was debated in place said before.
	And first as became our father most ancient
	With beard white as snow, his locks both cold and hoar,
	Hath entered such matter as served his intent,
40	Lauding his frosty mansion in the firmament
	To air and earth as thing most precious,
	Purging all humours that are contagious.
	How be it, he alledgeth that of long time past
	Little hath prevailed his great diligence,
45	Full oft upon earth his fair frost he hath cast
	All things hurtful to banish out of presence,
	But Phoebus intending to keep him in silence
	When he hath laboured all night in his powers
	His glaring beams marreth [spoils] all in two hours.
50	Phoebus to this made no manner answering
	Whereupon they both then Phoebe defied.
	Each for his part led in her reproving
	That by her showers superfluous they have tried
	In all that she may their powers be denied.
55	Whereunto Phoebe made answer no more
	Than Phoebus to Saturn had made before.
	Anon upon Aeolus all these did fle (fly)
	Complaining their causes each one a-row,
	And said, to compare none was so evil as he,
60	For when he is disposed his blasts to blow
	He suffereth neither sunshine, rain, nor snow.
	They each against other, and he against all three,
	Thus can these four in no manner agree;
	Which seen in themself, and further considering
65	The same to redress, was cause of their assembly.
	And also that we, evermore being,
	Beside our puissant power of deity,
	Of wisdom and nature so noble and so free,
	From all extremities the mean dividing,
70	To peace and plenty each thing attempering,
	They have in conclusion wholly surrendered
	Into our hands as much as concerning
	All manner weathers by them engendered
	The full of their powers for term everlasting,
75	To set such order as standeth with our pleasing,
	Which thing, as of our part, no part required
	But of all their parties right humbly desired
	To take upon us whereto we did assent.
	And so in all things with one voice agreeable
80	We have clearly finished our foresaid parliament,
	To your great wealth which shall be firm and stable,
	And to our honour far inestimable.
	For since their powers, as ours, added to our own
	Who can we say know us as we should be known?
85	But now, for fine, the rest of our intent
	Wherefore, as now, we hither are descended,
	Is only to satisfy and content
	All manner people which have been offended
	By any weather meet to be amended.
90	Upon whose complaints, declaring their grief,
	We shall shape remedy for their relief.
	And to give knowledge for their hither resort,
	We would this afore proclaimed to be
	To all our people by some one of this sort
95	Whom we list to choose here amongst all ye.
	Wherefore each man avaunce and we shall see
	Which of you is most meet to be our cryer.
	Here enters Merry Report.
	Merry Report
	[To a torch-bearer] Brother, hold up your torch a little higher!
	Now I beseech you my lord, look on me first.
100	I trust your lordship shall not find me the worst.
	Jupiter
	Why, what art thou that approachest so nigh?
	Merry Report
	Forsooth, and please your lordship it is I.
	Jupiter
	All that we know very well, but what I?
	Merry Report
	What I? Some say I am I perse I.
105	But, what manner I so ever be I,
	I assure your good lordship, I am I.
	Jupiter
	What manner man art thou, show quickly.
	Merry Report
	By god, a poor gentleman dwelleth here by.
	Jupiter
	A gentleman? Thy self bringeth witness nay,
110	Both in thy light behaviour and array!
	But what art thou called where thou dost resort?
	Merry Report
	Forsooth, my lord, master Merry Report.
	Jupiter
	Thou arte no mete man in our business
	For thine appearance is of too much lightness.
	Merry Report
115	Why, can not your lordship like my manner,
	Mine apparel, nor my name nuther?
	Jupiter
	To nuther of all we have devotion.
	Merry Report
	A proper likelihood of promotion!
	Well than, as wise as ye seem to be,
120	Yet can ye see no wisdom in me.
	But, since ye dispraise me for so light an elf,
	I pray you give me leave to praise my self.
	And for the first part I will begin
	In my behaviour at my coming in,
125	Wherein I think I have little offended,
	For sure my courtesy could not be amended.
	And, as for my suit, your servant to be
	Might ill have been missed, for your honesty;
	For as I be saved, if I shall not lie,
130	I saw no man sue for the office but I.
	Wherefore, if ye take me not or I go
	Ye must anon, whether ye will or no.
	And since your intent is but for the weathers
	What skills our apparel to be frise or feathers?
135	I think it wisdom since no man forbad it
	With this to spare a better, if I had it.
	And for my name, reporting always truly
	What hurt to report a sad matter merely?
	As by occasion, for the same intent
140	To a certain widow this day was I sent
	Whose husband departed without her witting
	(A special good lover and she his own sweeting)
	To whom at my coming I cast such a figure,
	Mingling the mater according to my nature,
145	That when we departed above all other things
	She thanked me heartily for my merry tidings.
	And if I had not handled it merrily,
	Perchance she might have taken it heavily.
	But in such fashion I conjured and bound her
150	That I left her merrier then I found her.
	What man may compare to show the like comfort
	That daily is showed by me, Merry Report?
	And for your purpose at this time meant:
	For all weathers I am so indifferent,
155	Without affection, standing so up right:
	Sunlight, moonlight, starlight, twilight, torch light,
	Cold, heat, moist, dry, hail, rain, frost, snow, lightning, thunder,
	Cloudy, misty, windy, fair, foul, above head or under,
	Temperate or distemperate: what ever it be,
160	I promise your lordship all is one to me.
	Jupiter
	Well, son, considering thine indifferency,
	And partly the rest of thy declaration,
	We make thee our servant, and immediately
	We will thou depart and cause proclamation,
165	Publishing our pleasure to every nation
	Which thing once done, with all diligence
	Make thy return again to this presence.
	Here to receive all suitors of each degree
	And such as to thee may seem most meetly
170	We will thou bring them before our majesty
	And for the rest, that be not so worthy;
	Make thou report to us effectually
	So that we may hear each manner suit at large.
	Thus see thou depart, and look upon thy charge.
	Merry Report
175	Now, good my lord god, Our Lady be with ye!
	Friends, a fellowship, let me go by ye!
	Think ye I may stand thrusting among you there?
	Nay by God, I must thrust about other gear.
	Merry Report goes out. At the end of this stanza the god hath a song played in his throne or Merry Report come in.
	Jupiter
	Now, since we have thus far set forth our purpose,
180	A while we will withdraw our godly presence
	To enbold all such more plainly to disclose
	As here will attend in our foresaid pretence.
	And now, according to your obedience,
	Rejoice ye in us with joy most joyfully,
185	And we our self shall joy in our own glory.
	[Jupiter withdraws] Merry Report cometh in.
	Merry Report
	Now sirs, take heed, for here cometh god's servant.
	Avaunt, carterly caitiffs, avaunt!
	Why, ye drunken whoresons, will it not be?
	By your faith, have ye neither cap nor knee?
190	Not one of you that will make curtsy
	To me that am squire for god’s precious body!
	Regard ye nothing mine authority?
	No ‘welcome home’, nor ‘where have ye been?’?
	How be it, if ye axed, I could not well tell,
195	But sure I think a thousand mile from Hell.
	And on my faith, I think, in my conscience,
	I have been from Heaven as far as Heaven is hence,
	At Louyn, at London and in Lombardy,
	At Baldock, at Barfolde, and in Barbury,
200	At Canterbury, at Coventry, at Colchester,
	At Wansworth and Welbeck, at Westchester,
	At Fulham, at Faleborne, and at Fenlow,
	At Wallingford, at Wakefield, and at Waltamstow,
	At Taunton, at Tiptree, and at Totnam,
205	At Gloucester, at Guilford, and at Gotham,
	At Hertford, at Harwich, at Harrow on the Hill,
	At Sudbury, Southampton, at Shooters Hill,
	At Walsingham, at Witham, and at Warwick,
	At Boston, at Brystow, and at Berwick,
210	At Gravelyn, at Gravesend, and at Glastonbury,
	Ynge Gyngiang Jayberd, the paryshe of Butsbery.
	The Devil himself without more leisure
	Could not have gone half thus much I am sure.
	But now I have warned them, let them even choose,
215	For in faith I care not who win or lose.
	Here the Gentleman, before he comes in, blows his horn.
	Merry Report
	Now by my troth, this was a goodly hearing!
	I went it had been the gentlewomen’s blowing,
	But it is not so as I now suppose,
	For women’s horns sound more in a man's nose.
	Gentleman
220	Stand ye merry, my friends, everyone!
	Merry Report
	Say that to me and let the rest alone.
	Sir, ye be welcome, and all your menny.
	Gentleman
	Now in good sooth, my friend, God a mercy!
	And, since that I meet thee here thus by chance,
225	I shall require thee of further acquaintance.
	And briefly to show thee this is the matter:
	I come to sew to the great god Jupiter
	For help of things concerning my recreation,
	According to his late proclamation.
	Merry Report
230	Mary, and I am he that this must speed.
	But first tell me, what be ye indeed?
	Gentleman
	Forsooth, good friend, I am a gentleman.
	Merry Report
	A goodly occupation, by Saint Anne!
	On my faith, your mastership hath a merry life.
235	But who maketh all these horns, your self or your wife?
	Nay, even in earnest I ask you this question.
	Gentleman
	Now, by my troth, thou art a merry one!
	Merry Report
	In faith, of us both I think never one sad,
	For I am not so merry but ye seem as mad.
240	But stand ye still and take a little pain,
	I will come to you by and by again.
	[To Jupiter] Now, gracious god, if your will so be.
	I pray ye let me speak a word with ye.
	Jupiter
	My son, say on; let us hear thy mind.
	Merry Report
245	My lord, there standeth a suitor even here behind,
	A gentleman in yonder corner,
	And, as I think, his name is Master Horner.
	A hunter he is, and cometh to make you sport,
	He would hunt a sow or twain out of this sort!
	Here he points to the women.
	Jupiter
250	What so ever his mind be, let him appear.
	Merry Report
	Now, good master Horner, I pray you come near.
	Gentleman
	I am no horner, knave, I will thou know it.
	Merry Report
	I thought ye had, for when ye did blow it,
	Heard I never whoreson make horn so go.
255	As lief ye kissed mine arse as blow my hole so.
	Come on your way before the god Jupiter,
	And there for your self ye shall be suitor.
	Gentleman
	Most mighty prince and god of every nation,
	Pleaseth your highness to vouchsafe the hearing
260	Of me, which, according to [y]our proclamation,
	Doth make appearance in way of beseeching;
	Not sole for my self, but generally
	For all come of noble and ancient stock;
	Which sort above all doth most thankfully
265	Daily take pain for wealth of the common flock,
	With diligent study always devising
	To keep them in order and unity,
	In peace to labour the increase of their living
	Whereby each man may prosper in plenty.
270	Wherefore, good god, this is our whole desiring:
	That for ease of our pains at times vacant
	In our recreation; which chiefly is hunting,
	It may please you to send us weather pleasant:
	Dry and not misty, the wind calm and still,
275	That after our hounds’ yourning so merrily
	Chasing the deer over dale and hill
	In hearing we may follow and comfort the cry.
	Jupiter
	Right well we do perceive your whole request,
	Which shall not fail to rest in memory.
280	Wherefore we will ye set your self at rest
	Till we have heard each man indifferently,
	And we shall take such order universally
	As best may stand to our honour infinite
	For wealth in common and each man’s singular profit.
	Gentleman
285	In Heaven and Earth honoured be the name
	Of Jupiter, whom of his godly goodness
	Hath set this mater in so goodly frame
	That every wight shall have his desire, doubtless.
	And first for us nobles and gentlemen,
290	I doubt not, in his wisdom to provide
	Such weather as in our hunting, now and then,
	We may both teyse and receive on every side.
	Which thing, once had, for our said recreation,
	Shall greatly prevail you in preferring our health,
295	For what thing more needful then our preservation,
	Being the weal and heads of all common wealth?
	Merry Report
	Now I beseech your mastership, whose head be you?
	Gentleman
	Whose head am I? Thy head! What sayest thou now?
	Merry Report
	Nay, I think it very true, so God me help,
300	For I have ever been, of a little whelp,
	So full of fancies and in so many fits,
	So many small reasons and in so many wits,
	That, even as I stand, I pray God I be dead,
	If ever I thought them all mete for one head.
305	But, since I have one head more then I knew,
	Blame not my rejoicing; I love all things new.
	And sure it is a treasure of heads to have store!
	One feat can I now that I never could before.
	Gentleman
	What is that?
	Merry Report
	By god, since ye came hither
310	I can set my head and my tail together.
	This head shall save money, by saint Mary,
	From henceforth I will no apothecary,
	For at all times when such things shall myster,
	My new head shall give mine old tail a glyster.
315	And, after all this, then shall my head wait
	Upon my tail and there stand at receipt.
	Sir, for the rest I will not now move you,
	But if we live ye shall smell how I love yow.
	And, sir, touching your suit here: depart when it please you,
320	For be ye sure, as I can, I will ease you.
	Gentleman
	Then give me thy hand, that promise I take.
	And if for my sake any suit thou do make,
	I promise thy pain to be requited
	More largely then now shall be recited. [Exit.]
	Merry Report
325	Alas, my neck! God’s pity, where is my head?
	By Saint Ive, I fear me I shall be dead!
	And if I were, me think it were no wonder,
	Since my head and my body is so far asunder!
	Enter the Merchant.
	Master Parson, now welcome, by my life!
330	I pray you, how doth my mistress, your wife?
	Merchant
	Sir, for the priesthood and wife that ye allege,
	I see ye speak more of dotage then knowledge.
	But let pas, sir, I would to you be suitor
	To bring me, if ye can, before Jupiter.
	Merry Report
335	Yes, marry can I, and will do it indeed.
	Tarry and I shall make way for your speed.
	[To Jupiter] In faith, good lord, if it please your gracious godship,
	I must have a word or twain with your lordship.
	Sir, yonder is another man in place
340	Who maketh great suit to speak with Your Grace.
	Your pleasure once known, he commeth by and by.
	Jupiter
	Bring him before our presence son, hardily.
	Merry Report
	[To Merchant] Why, where be you? Shall I not find ye?
	Come away, I pray God the Devil blind ye!
	Merchant
345	[To Jupiter] Most mighty prince and lord of lords all,
	Right humbly beseecheth Your Majesty
	Your merchant men through the world all,
	That it may please you of your benignity,
	In the daily danger of our goods and life,
350	First to consider the desert of our request
	(What wealth we bring the rest to our great care and strife)
	And then to reward us as ye shall think best.
	What were the surplusage of each commodity
	Which groweth and increaseth in every land,
355	Except exchange by such men as we be
	By way of enterprise that lieth on our hand?
	We fraught from home things whereof there is plenty,
	And home we bring such things as there be scant.
	Who should afore us merchants accompted be?
360	For were not we, the world should wish and want
	In many things, which now shall lack rehearsal.
	And briefly to conclude, we beseech your highness
	That of the benefit proclaimed in general
	We may be partakers, for common increase,
365	Stablishing weather thus, pleasing Your Grace:
	Nor Stormy nor misty, the wind measurable,
	That safely we may pass from place to place
	Bearing our sails for speed most vailable
	And also the wind to change and to turn:
370	East, west, north, and south, as best may be set,
	In any one place not too long to sojourn,
	For the length of our voyage may less our market.
	Jupiter
	Right well have ye said, and we accept it so,
	And so shall we reward you ere we go hence.
375	But ye must take patience till we have heard more
	That we may indifferently give sentence.
	There may pass by us no spot of negligence.
	But justly to judge each thing so upright
	That each mans part may shine in the self right.
	Merry Report
380	Now sir, by your faith, if ye should be sworn
	Heard ye ever god speak so, since ye were born?
	So wisely, so gently his words be showed.
	Merchant
	I thanked His Grace, my suit is well bestowed.
	Merry Report
	Sir, what voyage intend ye next to go?
	Merchant
385	I trust or mid-Lent to be to Syo.
	Merry Report
	Ha, ha, is it your mind to sail at Syo?
	Nay then, when ye will, by your Lady ye may go,
	And let me alone with this. Be of good cheer;
	Ye may trust me at Syo as well as here;
390	For, though ye were from me a thousand mile space,
	I would do as much as ye were here in place.
	For, since that from hence it is so far thither,
	I care not though ye never come again hither.
	Merchant
	Sir, if ye remember me when time shall come,
395	Though I requite not all, I shall deserve some.
	Exeat Merchant.
	Merry Report
	Now fare ye well, and God thank you, by Saint Anne!
	[To the audience] I pray you mark the fashion of this honest man:
	He putteth me in more trust at this meeting here,
	Then he shall find cause why, this twenty year.
	Here enters the Ranger.
	Ranger
400	God be here, Now Christ keep this company.
	Mary Report
	In faith, ye be welcome even very scantly.
	Sir, for your coming, what is the matter?
	Ranger
	I would fain speak with the god Jupiter.
	Merry Report
	That will not be, but ye may do this:
405	Tell me your mind, I am an officer of his.
	Ranger
	Be ye so? Mary, I cry you mercy!
	Your mastership may say I am homely.
	But, since your mind is to have reported
	The cause wherefore I am now resorted,
410	Pleaseth it your mastership it is so:
	I come for my self and such other more,
	Rangers and keepers of certain places,
	As forests, parks, purlieus, and chases,
	Where we be charged with all manner game.
415	Small is our profit, and great is our blame.
	Alas for our wages, what be we the near?
	What is forty shillings or five mark a year?
	Many times and oft, where we be flitting,
	We spend forty pence a piece at a sitting.
420	Now for our vantage which chiefly is windfall,
	That is right nought; there bloweth no wind at all,
	Which is the thing wherein we find most grief,
	And cause of my coming to sue for relief,
	That the god, of pity, all this thing knowing,
425	May send us good rage of blustring and blowing.
	And, if I can not get god to do some good,
	I would hire the Devil to run through the wood,
	The roots to turn up, the tops to bring under.
	A mischief upon them, and a wild thunder!
	Merry Report
430	Very well said! I set by your charity
	As much in a manner as by your honesty.
	I shall set you somewhat in ease anon.
	Ye shall put on your cap when I am gone,
	For I see ye care not who win or loose
435	So ye may find means to win your fees.
	Ranger
	Sir, as in that ye speak as it please ye,
	But let me speak with the god if it may be.
	I pray you let me pass ye.
	Merry Report
	Why, nay sir, by the masse, ye!
	Ranger
440	Then will I leave you even as I found ye.
	Merry Report
	Go when ye will, no man here hath bound ye.
	Here enters the Water Miller, and the Ranger goes out.
	Water Miller
	What the Devil should skill though all the world were dumb,
	Since in all our speaking we never be heard.
	We cry out for rain, the Devil sped drop will cum.
445	We water millers be nothing in regard.
	No water have we to grind at any stint.
	The wind is so strong the rain can not fall,
	Which keepeth our milldams as dry as a flint.
	We are undone, we grind nothing at all.
450	The greater is the pity, as thinketh me,
	For what availeth to each man his corn,
	Till it be ground by such men as we be?
	Theirs is the loss if we be forborne.
	For, touching our selves, we are but drudges
455	And very beggars, save only our toll,
	Which is right small, and yet many grudges
	For grist of a bushel to give a quart bowl.
	Yet, were not reparations, we might do well:
	Our millstones, our wheel with her cogs, and our trundle,
460	Our floodgate, our mill-pool, our water wheel,
	Our hopper, our extre, our iron spindle.
	In this and much more so great is our charge,
	That we would not reck though no water were,
	Save only it toucheth each man so large,
465	And each for our neighbour Christ biddeth us care.
	Wherefore my conscience hath pricked me hither,
	In this to sue, according to the cry,
	For plenty of rain to the god Jupiter,
	To whose presence I will go even boldly.
	Merry Report
470	Sir, I doubt nothing your audacity,
	But I fear me ye lack capacity,
	For, if ye were wise, ye might well espy
	How rudely ye err from rules of courtesy.
	What, ye come in revelling and rioting,
475	Even as a knave might go to a bear baiting!
	Water Miller
	[To the audience] All you bear record what favour I have.
	Hark how familiarly he calleth me knave.
	Doubtless the gentleman is universal,
	But mark this lesson, sir, you should never call
480	Your fellow knave nor your brother whoreson,
	For nought can ye get by it when ye have done.
	Merry Report
	Thou art nuther brother nor fellow to me,
	For I am god's servant: mayst thou not see?
	Would ye presume to speak with the great god?
485	Nay, discretion and you be to far odd.
	Byr Lady, these knaves must be tied shorter.
	Sir, who let you in, spake ye with the porter?
	Water Miller
	Nay, by my troth, nor with no nuther man,
	Yet I saw you well when I first began.
490	How be it, so help me God and holydam,
	I took you but for a knave as I am.
	But marry, now, since I know what ye be,
	I must and will obey your authority,
	And if I may not speak with Jupiter
495	I beseech you be my solicitor.
	Merry Report
	As in that I will be your well willer.
	I perceive you be a water miller,
	And your whole desire, as I take the mater,
	Is plenty of rain for increase of water,
500	The let whereof, ye affirm determinately
	Is only the wind, your mortal enemy.
	Water Miller.
	Troth it is, for it bloweth so aloft
	We never have rain, or at the most not oft.
	Wherefore I pray you, put the god in mind,
505	Clearly for ever to banish the wind.
	Enters the Wind Miller
	Wind Miller
	How? Is all the weather gone or I come?
	For the Passion of God, help me to some!
	I am a wind miller as many mo be;
	No wretch in wretchedness so wretched as we!
510	The whole sort of my craft be all marred at once,
	The wind is so weak it stirreth not our stones,
	Nor scantly can shatter the shitten sail
	That hangeth shattering at a woman’s tail.
	The rain never resteth, so long be the showers
515	From time of beginning till four and twenty hours,
	And end when it shall, at night or at noon,
	An other beginneth as soon as that is done
	Such revel of rain ye know well enough
	Destroyeth the wind, be it never so rough;
520	Whereby, since our mills be come to still standing,
	Now may we wind millers go even to hanging.
	A miller? With a murain and a mischief!
	Who would be a miller? As good be a thief!
	Yet in time past when grinding was plenty
525	Who were so like God's fellows as we?
	As fast as God made corn, we millers made meal.
	Which might be best forborne for common weal?
	But let that gear pass! For I fear our pride
	Is cause of the care which God doth us provide,
530	Wherefore I submit me, intending to see
	What comfort may come by humility.
	And now, at this time, they said in the cry
	The god is come down to shape remedy.
	Merry Report
	No doubt he is here even in yonder throne.
535	But in your matter he trusteth me alone,
	Wherein I do perceive by your complaint
	Oppression of rain doth make the wind so faint
	That ye wind millers be clean cast away.
	Wind Miller
	If Jupiter help not, it is as ye say.
540	But in few words to tell you my mind round,
	Upon this condition I would be bound
	Day by day to say Our Lady’s Psalter:
	That in this world were no drop of water
	Nor never rain, but wind continual,
545	Then should we wind millers be lords over all.
	Merry Report
	Come on and assay how you twain can agree;
	A brother of yours, a miller as ye be.
	Water Miller
	By mean of our craft we may be brothers,
	But whiles we live shall we never be lovers.
550	We be of one craft but not of one kind:
	I live by water and he by the wind.
	Here Merry Report goth out.
	And, sir, as ye desire wind continual,
	So would I have rain ever more to fall,
	Which two in experience right well ye see
555	Right seldom or never together can be.
	For as long as the wind ruleth, it is plain,
	Twenty to one ye get no drop of rain;
	And when the element is too far oppressed,
	Down commeth the rain and setteth the wind at rest.
560	By this ye see we can not both obtain,
	For ye must lack wind or I must lack rain.
	Wherefore I think good, before this audience,
	Each for our self to say or we go hence.
	And whom is thought weakest when we have finished,
565	Leave off his suit and content to be banished.
	Wind Miller
	In faith, agreed. But then, by your license,
	Our mills for a time shall hang in suspense.
	Since water and wind is chiefly our suit
	Which best may be spared we will first dispute.
570	Wherefore to the sea my reason shall resort
	Where ships by mean of wind try from port to port,
	From land to land, in distance many a mile.
	Great is the passage and small is the while.
	So great is the profit, as to me doth seem,
575	That no mans wisdom the wealth can esteem.
	And since the wind is conveyer of all,
	Who but the wind should have thank above all?
	Water Miller
	Admit in this place a tree here to grow
	And thereat the wind in great rage to blow;
580	When it hath all blowen, this is a clear case,
	The tree removeth no hair breadth from his place.
	No more would the ships, blow the best it could,
	Although it would blow down both mast and shroud.
	Except the ship fleet (was floating) upon the water,
585	The wind can right nought do: a plain matter.
	Yet may ye on water, without any wind,
	Row forth your vessel where men will have her send.
	Nothing more rejoiceth the mariner
	Than mean cools of wind and plenty of water,
590	For commonly the cause of every wrack
	Is excess of wind where water doth lack.
	In rage of these storms the peril is such,
	That better were no wind then so far to much.
	Wind Miller
	Well, if my reason in this may not stand,
595	I will forsake the sea and leap to land.
	In every church where god’s service is,
	The organs bear brunt of half the choir, iwis.
	Which causeth the sound: or water or wind?
	More-over, for wind this thing I find:
600	For the most part, all manner minstrelsy,
	By wind they deliver their sound chiefly.
	Fill me a bagpipe of your water full:
	As sweetly shall it sound as it were stuffed with wool!
	Water Miller
	On my faith, I think the moon be at the full,
605	For frantic fancies be then most plentiful,
	Which are at the pride of their spring in your head,
	So far from our matter he is now fled.
	As for the wind in any instrument,
	It is no parcel of our argument.
610	We spake of wind that cometh naturally,
	And that is wind forced artificially,
	Which is not to purpose. But, if it were,
	And water indeed right nought could do there,
	Yet I think organs no such commodity
615	Whereby the water should banished be.
	And for your bagpipes, I take them as nyfuls.
	Your matter is all in fancies and trifles.
	Wind Miller
	By God, but ye shall not trifle me off so!
	If these things serve not, I will rehearse more.
620	And now to mind there is one old proverb come;
	‘One bushel of March dust is worth a king’s ransom.’
	What is a hundred thousand bushels worth then?
	Water Miller
	Not one mite, for the thing self, to no man.
	Wind Miller
	Why, shall wind every where thus be object?
625	Nay, in the high ways he shall take effect,
	Where as the rain doth never good but hurt.
	For wind maketh but dust, and water maketh dirt.
	Powder or syrup, sirs, which like/lick ye best?
	Who liketh not the one may lick up the rest.
630	But, sure, who so ever hath assayed such sips,
	Had lever have dusty eyes then dirty lips.
	And it is said since afore we were borne,
	That drought doth never make dearth of corn.
	And well it is known to the most fool here,
635	How rain hath priced corn within this seven year.
	Water Miller
	Sir, I pray thee, spare me a little season
	And I shall briefly conclude thee with reason.
	Put case on summers day without wind to be,
	And ragious wind in winter days two or three:
640	Much more shall dry that one calm day in summer
	Then shall those three windy days in winter.
	Whom shall we thank for this when all is done?
	The thank to wind? Nay, thank chiefly the sun.
	And so for drought: if corn thereby increase,
645	The sun doth comfort and ripe all, doubtless.
	And oft the wind so layeth the corn, God wot,
	That never after can it ripe, but rot.
	If drought took place as ye say, yet may ye see
	Little helpeth the wind in this commodity.
650	But now, sir, I deny your principal:
	If drought ever were, it were impossible
	To have any grain, for, or it can grow
	Ye must plough your land, harrow, and sow.
	Which will not be, except ye may have rain
655	To temper the ground, and after again
	For springing and plumping all manner corn.
	Yet must ye have water or all is forlorn.
	If ye take water for no commodity
	Yet must ye take it for thing of necessity;
660	For washing, for scouring, all filth cleansing;
	Where water lacketh, what beastly being!
	In brewing, in baking, in dressing of meat,
	If ye lack water what could ye drink or eat?
	Without water could live neither man nor beast,
665	For water preserveth both most and least.
	Saving as now the time will not serve so.
	And, as for that wind that you do sue for,
	Is good for your windmill and for no more.
670	Sir, sith all this in experience is tried,
	I say this matter standeth clear on my side.
	Wind Miller
	Well, since this will not serve, I will allege the rest.
	Sir, for our mills, I say mine is the best.
	My windmill shall grind more corn in one hour
675	Than thy water mill shall in three or four:
	Yea, more then thine should in a whole year,
	If thou mightest have as thou hast wished here.
	For thou desirest to have excess of rain,
	Which thing to thee were the worst thou couldst obtain,
680	For, if thou diddest, it were a plain induction
	To make thine own desire thine own destruction.
	For in excess of rain, at any flood
	Your mills must stand still; they can do no good.
	And when the wind doth blow the uttermost,
685	Our windmills work amain in every cost.
	For, as we see the wind in his estate,
	We moder our sails after the same rate.
	Since our mills grind so far faster than yours,
	And also they may grind all times and hours,
690	I say we need no water mills at all,
	For windmills be sufficient to serve all.
	Water Miller
	Thou speakest of all and considerest not half.
	In boast of thy grist thou art wise as a calf!
	For, though above us your mills grind far faster,
695	What help to those from whom ye be much farther?
	And of two sorts, if the one should be conserved,
	I think it mete the most number be served.
	In vales and wealds where most commodity is,
	There is most people: ye must grant me this.
700	On hills and downs, which parts are most barren
	There must be few, it can no more sustain.
	I dare well say, if it were tried even now,
	That there is ten of us to one of you.
	And where would chiefly all necessaries be,
705	But there as people are most in plenty?
	More reason that you come seven mile to mill,
	Then all we of the vale should climb the hill.
	If rain came reasonable, as I require it,
	We should of your windmills have need no whit.
	Entreth Merry Report.
	Merry Report
710	Stop, foolish knaves! For your reasoning is such,
	That ye have reasoned even enough and too much.
	I heard all the words that ye both have had;
	[To the audience] So help me God, the knaves be more then mad!
	Nuther of them both that hath wit nor grace,
715	To perceive that both mills may serve in place.
	Between water and wind there is no such let,
	But each mill may have time to use his fet.
	Which thing I can tell by experience.
	For I have, of mine own, not far from hence,
720	In a corner together, a couple of mills
	Standing in a marsh between two hills,
	Not of inheritance, but by my wife.
	She is feofed in the tail for terms of her life,
	The one for wind, the other for water,
725	And of them both, I thank god, there standeth nuther,
	For, in a good hour be it spoken,
	The water gate is no sooner open
	But ‘Clap!’, saith the windmill, even straight behind.
	There is good speed, the Devil and all they grind.
730	But whether that the hopper be dusty,
	Or that the millstones be somewhat rusty,
	By the mass, the meal is mischievous musty!
	And if ye think my tale be not trusty,
	I make ye true promise; come when ye list,
735	We shall find mean ye shall taste of the grist!
	Water Miller
	The corn at receipt, haply, is not good.
	Merry Report
	There can be no sweeter, by the sweet Rood.
	Another thing yet, which shall not be cloaked,
	My water mill many times is choked.
	Water Miller
740	So will she be, though ye should burst your bones,
	Except ye be perfect in setting your stones.
	Fear not the ledger, beware your runner.
	Yet this for the ledger or he have won her:
	Perchance your ledger doth lack good pecking.
	Merry Report
745	So saith my wife, and that maketh all our checking.
	She would have the mill pecked, pecked, pecked every day,
	But, by God, millers must peck when they may.
	So oft have we pecked that our stones wax right thin,
	And all our other gear not worth a pin.
750	For with pecking and pecking I have so wrought,
	That I have pecked a good pecking iron to nought.
	How be it if I stick no better till her,
	My wife saith she will have a new miller.
	But let this pass, and now to our matter.
755	I say my mills lack nuther wind nor water;
	No more do yours as far as need doth require.
	But, since ye can not agree, I will desire
	Jupiter to set you both in such rest
	As to your wealth and his honour may stand best.
	Water Miller
760	I pray you heartily, remember me.
	Wind Miller
	Let not me be forgotten, I beseech ye.
	Both millers go forth.
	Merry Report
	If I remember you not both alike,
	I would ye were over the ears in the dyke!
	Now be we rid of two knaves at once chance.
765	By Saint Thomas, it is a knavish riddance.
	The Gentlewoman enters.
	Gentlewoman
	Now good God, what folly is this!
	What should I do where so much people is?
	I know not how to pass in to the god now.
	Merry Report
	No, but ye know how he may pass into you!
	Gentlewoman
770	I pray you, let me in at the back side.
	Merry Report
	Yea, shall I so, and your foreside so wide?
	Nay, not yet! But since ye love to be alone,
	We twain will into a corner anon.
	But first, I pray you, come your way hither
775	And let us twain chat a while together.
	Gentlewoman
	Sir, as to you, I have little matter.
	My coming is to speak with Jupiter.
	Merry Report
	Stand ye still a while, and I will go prove
	Whether that the god will be brought in love.
780	[To Jupiter] My lord, how now, look up lustily;
	Here is a darling come, by saint Antony!
	And if it be your pleasure to marry,
	Speak quickly, for she may not tarry.
	In faith I think ye may win her anon,
785	For she would speak with your lordship alone.
	Jupiter
	Son, that is not the thing at this time meant.
	If her suit concern no cause of our hither resort,
	Send her out of place; but if she be bent
	To that purpose, hear her and make us report.
	Merry Report
790	[To the audience] I count women lost, if we love them not well,
	For ye see god loveth them never a deal.
	Mistress, ye can not speak with the god.
	Gentlewoman
	No, why?
	Merry Report
	By my faith, for his lordship is right busy
	With a piece of work that needs must be done.
795	Even now is he making of a new moon:
	He saith your old moons be so far tasted
	That all the goodness of them is wasted;
	Which of the great wet hath been most matter,
	For old moons be leaky, they can hold no water.
800	But for this new moon, I durst lay my gown,
	Except a few drops at her going down,
	Ye get no rain till her arising,
	Without it need, and then no mans devising
	Could wish the fashion of rain to be so good:
805	Not gushing out like gutters of Noah’s flood,
	But small drops sprinkling softly on the ground:
	Though they fell on a sponge, they would give no sound.
	This new moon shall make a thing spring more in this while
	Then a old moon shall while a man may go a mile.
810	By that time the god hath all made an end
	Ye shall se how the weather will amend.
	By Saint Anne, he goeth to work even boldly!
	I think him wise enough, for he looketh oldly.
	Wherefore mistress, be ye now of good cheer,
815	For, though in his presence he can not appear,
	Tell me your mater and let me alone:
	May hap I will think on you when you be gone.
	Gentlewoman
	Forsooth the cause of my coming is this:
	I am a woman right fair, as ye see,
820	In no creature more beauty then in me is,
	And, since I am fair, fair would I keep me.
	But the sun in summer so sore doth burn me,
	In winter the wind on every side me,
	No part of the year woot I where to turn me,
825	But even in my house am I fain to hide me.
	And so do all other that beauty have,
	In whose name at this time this suit I make,
	Beseeching Jupiter to gaunt that I crave,
	Which is this: that it may please him, for our sake,
830	To send us weather close and temperate,
	No sunshine, no frost, nor no wind to blow.
	Then would we jet the streets trim as a parrot;
	Ye should see how we would set our self to show.
	Merry Report
	Jet where ye will, I swear by Saint Quentin,
835	Ye pass them all both in your own conceit and mine.
	Gentleman
	If we had weather to walk at our pleasure,
	Our lives would be merry out of measure:
	One part of the day for our apparelling,
	Another part for eating and drinking,
840	And all the rest in streets to be walking,
	Or in the house to pass time with talking.
	Merry Report
	When serve ye God?
	Gentleman
	Who boasteth in virtue are but daws.
	Merry Report
	Ye do the better, namely since there is no cause.
	How spends ye the night?
	Gentleman
	In dancing and singing
845	Till midnight, and then fall to sleeping.
	Merry Report
	Why, sweet heart, by your false faith, can ye sing?
	Gentleman
	Nay nay, but I love it above all thing.
	Merry Report
	Now, by my troth, for the love that I owe you,
	You shall hear what pleasure I can show you.
850	One song have I for you, such as it is,
	And if it were better, ye should have it, by gys!
	Gentleman
	Mary sir, I thank you even heartily.
	Merry Report
	Come on, sirs, but now let us sing lustily.
	Here they sing.
	Gentleman
	Sir, this is well done, I heartily thank you.
855	Ye have done me pleasure, I make God a vow.
	Once in a night I long for such a fit,
	For long time have I been brought up in it.
	Merry Report
	Oft time it is seen both in court and town,
	Long be women a bringing up and soon brought down.
860	So fete it is, so neat it is, so nice it is,
	So trick it is, so quick it is, so wise it is!
	I fear my self, except I may entreat her,
	I am so far in love I shall forget her.
	Now good mistress, I pray you let me kiss ye.
	Gentleman
865	‘Kiss me’, quoth a! Why nay, sir, I wys ye!
	Merry Report
	What, yes, hardily, kiss me once and no more.
	I never desired to kiss you before.
	Here the Launder comes in.
	Launder
	Why, have ye always kissed her behind?
	In faith good enough if it be your mind.
870	And if your appetite serve you so to do,
	Byr Lady, I would ye had kissed mine arse too!
	Merry Report
	To whom dost thou speak, foul whore, canst thou tell?
	Launder
	Nay, by my troth, I sir? Not very well.
	But by conjecture this guess I have,
875	That I do speak to an old bawdy knave.
	I saw you dally with your simper de cocket;
	I rede you beware she pick not your pocket.
	Such idle housewifes do now and than
	Think all well won that they pick from a man.
880	Yet such of some men shall have more favour
	Then we that for them daily toil and labour.
	But I trust the god will be so indifferent.
	That she shall fail some part of her intent.
	Merry Report
	No doubt he will deal so graciously
885	That all folk shall be served indifferently.
	How be it, I tell the truth, my office is such
	That I must report each suit, little or much.
	Wherefore, with the god since thou canst not speak,
	Trust me with thy suit, I will not fail it to break.
	Launder
890	Then lean not too much to yonder giglet,
	For her desire contrary to mine is set.
	I heard by her tale she would banish the sun,
	And then were we poor launders all undone.
	Except the sun shine that our clothes may dry,
895	We can do no right nought in our laundry;
	Another manner loss if we should miss
	Then of such nicebyceters as she is.
	Gentleman
	I think it better that thou envy me
	Then I should stand at reward of thy pity.
900	It is the guise of such gross queens as thou art
	With such as I am evermore to thwart
	Because that no beauty ye can obtain
	Therefore ye have us that be fair in disdain.
	Launder
	When I was young as thou art now,
905	I was within little as fair as thou,
	And so might have kept me, if I had would,
	And as dearly my youth I might have sold
	As the trickest and fairest of you all.
	But I feared perils that after might fall,
910	Wherefore some business I did me provide
	Lest vice might enter on every side,
	Which hath free entry where idleness doth reign.
	It is not thy beauty that I disdain,
	But thine idle life that thou hast rehearsed,
915	Which any good woman’s heart would have pierced.
	For I perceive in dancing and singing,
	In eating and drinking, and thine apparelling,
	Is all the joy wherein thy heart is set.
	But nought of all this doth thine own labour get.
920	For haddest thou nothing but of thine own travail,
	Thou mightest go as naked as my nail.
	Me think thou shouldest abhor such idleness
	And pass thy time in some honest business.
	Better to lose some part of thy beauty
925	Then so oft to jeoperd all thine honesty.
	But I think, rather then thou wouldest so do,
	Thou haddest lever have us live idly to.
	And so, no doubt, we should, if thou mightest have
	The clear sun banished, as thou dost crave.
930	Then were we launders marred, and unto thee
	Thine own request were small commodity.
	For of these twain I think it far better
	Thy face were sun burned and thy clothes the sweeter,
	Then that the sun from shining should be smitten
935	To keep thy face fair and thy smock beshitten.
	Sir, how like ye my reason in her case?
	Merry Report
	Such a railing whore, by the holy Mass,
	I never heard in all my life till now!
	In deed I love right well the one of you,
940	But, or I would keep you both, by God's mother,
	The Devil shall have the one to fet the tother!
	Launder
	Promise me to speak that the sun may shine bright,
	And I will be gone quickly for all night.
	Merry Report
	Get you both hence, I pray you heartily.
945	Your suits I perceive and will report them truly
	Unto Jupiter at the next leisure,
	And, in the same, desire to know his pleasure;
	Which knowledge had, even as he doth show it,
	Fear ye not, time enough ye shall know it.
	Gentleman
950	Sir, if ye meddle, remember me first.
	Launder
	Then in this meddling my part shall be the worst.
	Merry Report
	Now I beseech Our Lord, the Devil the[e] burst!
	Who meddleth with many, I hold him accurst.
	Thou whore, can I meddle with you both at once?
	Here the gentlewoman goes forth.
	Launder
955	By the Mass, knave, I would I had both thy stones
	In my purse if thou meddle not indifferently,
	That both our matters in issue may be likely.
	Merry Report
	Many words, little matter, and to no purpose,
	Such is the effect that thou dost disclose.
960	The more ye bib, the more ye babble,
	The more ye babble, the more ye fable,
	The more ye fable, the more unstable,
	The more unstable, the more unable,
	In any manner thing to do any good.
965	No hurt though ye were hanged, by the holy Rood!
	Launder
	The less your silence, the less your credence,
	The less your credence, the less your honesty,
	The less your honesty, the less your assistance,
	The less your assistance, the less ability
970	In you to do ought. Wherefore, so God me save,
	No hurt in hanging such a railing knave!
	Merry Report
	What monster is this? I never heard none such.
	For look how much more I have made her too much,
	And so far at least she hath made me too little.
975	Where be ye launder? I think in some spittle.
	Ye shall wash me no gear for fear of fretting.
	I love no launders that shrink my gear in wetting.
	I pray thee, go hence and let me be in rest.
	I will do thine errand as I think best.
	Launder
980	Now would I take my leave, if I wist how.
	The longer I live the more knave you! [Exit.]
	Merry Report
	The longer thou livest, the pity the greater,
	The sooner thou be rid, the tidings the better!
	Is not this a sweet office that I have,
985	When every drab shall prove me a knave?
	Every man knoweth not what god’s service is,
	Nor I my self knew it not before this.
	I think god's servants may live holily
	But the Devil’s servants live more merrily.
990	I know not what god giveth in standing fees,
	But the Devil’s servants have casualties
	A hundred times more then god’s servants have.
	For, though ye be never so stark a knave,
	If ye lack money the Devil will do no worse
995	But bring you straight to another mans purse.
	Then will the Devil promote you here in this world
	As unto such rich it doth most accord.
	First, ‘pater noster qui es in celis’,
	And then ye shall cense the sheriff with your heels.
1000	The greatest friend ye have in field or town,
	Standing a tip-toe shall not reach your crown.
	The Boy comes in, the least that can play.
	Boy
	This same is even he by all likelihood.
	Sir, I pray you, be not you master god?
	Merry Report
	No, in good faith, son, but I may say to thee
1005	I am such a man that god may not miss me.
	Wherefore, with the god if thou wouldest have ought done,
	Tell me thy mind and I shall show it soon.
	Boy
	Forsooth, sir, my mind is this, at few words:
	All my pleasure is in catching of birds,
1010	And making of snow balls and throwing the same,
	For the which purpose to have set in frame,
	With my godfather god I would fain have spoken,
	Desiring him to have sent me by some token
	Where I might have had great frost for my pitfalls,
1015	And plenty of snow to make my snow balls.
	This once had, boys lives be such as no man leads.
	O, to see my snow balls light on my fellows heads,
	And to hear the birds how they flicker their wings
	In the pitfall, I say it passeth all things.
1020	Sir, if ye be god’s servant or his kinsman,
	I pray you help me in this if ye can.
	Merry Report
	Alas, poor boy, who sent thee hither?
	Boy
	A hundred boys that stood together,
	Where they heard one say in a cry
1025	That my godfather, God Almighty,
	Was come from Heaven by his own accord,
	This night to sup here with my lord.
	And farther he said, come who so will,
	They shall sure have their bellies full
1030	Of all weathers; who list to crave:
	Each sort such weather list to have.
	And when my fellows thought this would be had,
	And saw me so pretty a prattling lad,
	Upon agreement, with a great noise
1035	‘Send little Dick!’, cried all the boys,
	By whose assent I am purveyed
	To sue for the weather aforesaid.
	Wherein I pray you to be good, as thus,
	To help that god may give it us.
	Merry Report
1040	‘Give boys weather’, quoth a! Nonny nonny!
	Boy
	If god of his weather will give nonny,
	I pray you, will he sell any,
	Or lend us a bushel of snow or twain
	And point us a day to pay him again?
	Merry Report
1045	I can not tell, for, by this light,
	I chept nor borrowed none of him this night.
	But by such shift as I will make,
	Thou shalt see soon what way he will take.
	Boy
	Sir, I thank you. Then I may depart?
	The Boy goes forth.
	Merry Report
1050	Yea, farewell, good son, with all my heart.
	Now such another sort as here hath been
	In all the days of my life, I have not seen.
	No suitors now but women, knaves, and boys,
	And all their suits are in fancies and toys.
1055	If that there come no wiser after this cry
	I will to the god and make an end quickly.
	Oyes, if that any knave here
	Be willing to appear
	For weather foul or clear,
1060	Come in before this flock,
	And, be he whole or sickly,
	Come show his mind quickly,
	And if his tale be not likely
	Ye shall lick my tail in the nock.
1065	All this time, I perceive, is spent in waste
	To wait for more suitors, I see none make hast.
	Wherefore I will show the god all this process,
	And be delivered of my simple office.
	[To Jupiter] Now lord, according to your commandment,
1070	Attending suitors I have been diligent.
	And, at beginning as your will was I should,
	I come now at end to show what each man would.
	The first suitor before your self did appear,
	A gentleman desiring weather clear,
1075	Cloudy nor misty nor no wind to blow,
	For hurt in his hunting. And then, as ye know,
	The merchant sued, for all of that kind,
	For weather clear and measurable wind,
	As they may best bear their sails to make speed.
1080	And straight after this there came to me, indeed,
	Another man, who named him self a ranger,
	And said all of his craft be far brought in danger
	For lack of living, which chiefly is wind fall.
	But he plainly saith there bloweth no wind at all,
1085	Wherefore he desireth for increase of their fleeces,
	Extreme rage of wind, trees to tear in pieces.
	Then came a water miller, and he cried out
	For water, and said the wind was so stout
	The rain could not fall, wherefore he made request
1090	For plenty of rain to set the wind at rest.
	And then, sir, there came a windmiller in,
	Who said for the rain he could no wind win.
	The water he wish to be banished all,
	Beseeching Your Grace of wind continual.
1095	Then came there another that would banish all this:
	A goodly dame, an idle thing, iwis.
	Wind, rain, nor frost, nor sunshine would she have,
	But fair close weather, her beauty to save.
	Then came there another that liveth by laundry,
1100	Who must have weather hot and clear, her clothes to dry.
	Then came there a boy for frost and snow continual,
	Snow to make snowballs, and frost for his pitfall,
	For which, God wote, he sueth full greedily!
	Your first man would have weather clear and not windy;
1105	The second the same, save cools to blow meanly;
	The third desired storms and wind most extremely;
	The fourth all in water, and would have no wind;
	The fifth no water, but all wind to grind;
	The sixth would have none of all these, nor no bright sun;
1110	The seventh extremely the hot sun would have won;
	The eighth and the last, for frost and snow he prayed.
	Byr lady, we shall take shame, I am afraid!
	Who marketh in what manner this sort is led
	May think it impossible all to be sped.
1115	This number is small: there lacketh twain of ten,
	And yet, by the Mass, among ten thousand men,
	No one thing could stand more wide from the tother.
	Not one of their suits agreed with another.
	I promise you here is a shrewd piece of work!
1120	This gear will try whether ye be a clerk.
	If ye trust to me, it is a great folly,
	For it passeth my brains, by God’s body!
	Jupiter
	Son, thou hast been diligent and done so well,
	That thy labour is right much thankworthy.
1125	But be thou sure we need no whit thy counsel,
	For in our self we have foreseen remedy,
	Which thou shalt see. But first, depart hence quickly
	To the Gentleman and all other suitors here,
	And command them all before us to appear.
	Merry Report
1130	That shall be no longer in doing
	Then I am in coming and going.
	Merry Report goes out.
	Jupiter
	Such debate as from above ye have heard,
	Such debate beneath among yourselves ye see
	As long as heads from temperance be deferred,
1135	So long the bodies in distemperance be.
	This perceive ye all, but none can help save we.
	But as we there have made peace concordantly,
	So will we here now give you remedy.
	Merry Report and all the suitors enter.
	Merry Report
	If I had caught them
1140	Or ever I raught them,
	I would have taught them
	To be near me.
	Full dear have I bought them,
	Lord, so I sought them,
1145	Yet have I brought them
	Such as they be.
	Gentleman
	Pleaseth it Your Majesty, Lord, so it is:
	We, as your subjects and humble suitors all,
	According as we hear your pleasure is,
1150	Are pressed to your presence, being principal
	Head and governor of all in every place.
	Who joyeth not in your sight no joy can have,
	Wherefore we all commit us to Your Grace
	As Lord of Lords, us to perish or save.
	Jupiter
1155	As long as discretion so well doth you guide
	Obediently to use your duty,
	Doubt ye not we shall your safety provide.
	Your grieves we have heard, wherefore we sent for ye
	To receive answer, each man in his degree.
1160	And first to content, most reason it is,
	The first man that sued, wherefore mark ye this:
	Oft shall ye have the weather clear and still
	To hunt in, for recompense of your pain.
	Also you merchants shall have much your will:
1165	For, oft times when no wind on land doth remain,
	Yet on the sea pleasant cools you shall obtain.
	And since your hunting may rest in the night,
	Oft shall the wind then rise, and before day light
	It shall rattle down the wood in such case
1170	That all ye rangers the better live may.
	And ye water millers shall obtain this grace:
	Many times the rain to fall in the valley,
	When at the self times on hills we shall purvey
	Fair weather for your windmills, with such cools of wind
1175	As in one instant both kinds of mills may grind.
	And for ye fair women that close weather would have,
	We shall provide that ye may sufficiently
	Have time to walk in, and your beauty save.
	And yet shall ye have, that liveth by laundry,
1180	The hot sun oft enough your clothes to dry.
	Also ye, pretty child, shall have both frost and snow.
	Now mark this conclusion, we charge you arow:
	Much better have we now devised for ye all
	Then ye all can perceive or could desire.
1185	Each of you sued to have continual
	Such weather as his craft only doth require.
	All weathers in all places if men all times might hire,
	Who could live by other? What is this negligence,
	Us to attempt in such inconvenience?
1190	Now, on the other side, if we had granted
	The full of some one suit and no more,
	And from all the rest the weather had forbid,
	Yet who so had obtained had won his own woe.
	There is no one craft can preserve man so,
1195	But by other crafts, of necessity,
	He must have much part of his commodity.
	All to serve at once, and one destroy another,
	Or else to serve one and destroy all the rest:
	Nuther will we do the one nor the other,
1200	But serve as many or as few as we think best.
	And where, or what time, to serve most or least,
	The direction of that doubtless shall stand
	Perpetually in the power of our hand.
	Wherefore we will the whole world to attend,
1205	Each sort, on such weather as for them doth fall.
	Now one, now other, as liketh us to send.
	Who that hath it, ply it, and sure we shall
	So guide the weather in course to you all,
	That each with other ye shall whole remain
1210	In pleasure and plentiful wealth, certain.
	Gentleman
	Blessed was the time wherein we were born,
	First for the blissful chance of your godly presence.
	Next for our suit! Was there never man before
	That ever heard so excellent a sentence
1215	As Your Grace hath given to us all arow.
	Wherein your highness hath so bountifully
	Distributed my part, that Your Grace shall know
	Your self sole possessed of hearts of all chivalry.
	Merchant
	Likewise we merchants shall yield us wholly
1220	Only to laud the name of Jupiter
	As god of all gods, you to serve solely,
	For of every thing, I see, you are nourisher.
	Ranger
	No doubt it is so, for so we now find,
	Wherein Your Grace us rangers so doth bind
1225	That we shall give you our hearts with one accord,
	For knowledge to know you as our only lord.
	Water Miller
	Well, I can no more but, for our water
	We shall give your lordship Our Lady’s Psalter.
	Wind Miller
	Much have ye bound us, for, as I be saved,
1230	We have all obtained better then we craved.
	Gentleman
	That is true, wherefore Your Grace shall truly
	The hearts of such as I am have, surely.
	Launder
	[To the Gentlewoman] And such as I am (who be as good as you),
	His highness shall be sure on, I make a vow.
	Boy
1235	Godfather god, I will do somewhat for you again.
	By Christ, ye may hap to have a bird or twain!
	And I promise you, if any snow come,
	When I make my snow balls, ye shall have some.
	Merry Report
	God thank Your Lordship. Lo, how this is brought to pass!
1240	Sirs, now shall ye have the weather even as it was.
	Jupiter
	We need no whit our self any farther to boast,
	For our deeds declare us apparently.
	Not only here on Earth in every coast,
	But also above in the Heavenly company,
1245	Our prudence hath made peace universally.
	Which thing, we say, recordeth us as principal
	God and governor of Heaven, Earth, and all.
	Now unto that Heaven we will make return,
	Where we be glorified most triumphantly.
1250	Also we will all ye that on Earth sojourn,
	Since cause giveth cause, to know us your lord only,
	And now here to sing most joyfully,
	Rejoicing in us; and in mean time we shall
	Ascend into our throne celestial.

PRINTED BY WILLIAM RASTELL